Okay so I see that it’s getting down to it. I have only been in training for the time being, learning the ropes etc, soon I’ll be starting out for real. Though I within my mind have this image that I will fuck up, I will need help, I will fuck up again – is this negativity/pessimism, or reality? Both I’d say. I mean realistically, of course I don’t know a lot. I will run into situations where I don’t know what to do or need clarification. LEARNING TAKES TIME.
But htat I will ‘fuck up’ – is my mind as negativity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look forward to work because I will be doing ‘the real thing’ soon and thus have more responsibility as myself and as an employee, failing to see, realise and understand that this was bound to happen, within this I commit myself to take on this challenge as my personal GROWTH, DEVELOPMENT, CHANGE as what is best for all and as thus example.
I commit myself to allow myself to learn through MISTAKE, through CONFUSION, through CLARIFICATION, THROUGH QUESITONING, THROUGH SEEKING ADVICE, THROUGH SEEKINH HELP, AND THROUGH WITHIN THIS, PUTTING MYSELF IN THE POSITION OF CONFUSING AS ASKING, AS STOPPING, AS NOT FEARING TO ASK, TO SEEK WITHIN FEAR OF EMBARRASSMENT AS THE MIND, AS FEAR OF LOOKING STUPID/DUMB, AS FEAR OF BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW THIS SHIT AND THAT I SHOULD KNOW HTIS SHIT INSIDE NAD OUT BY NOW OR I AM DUMB.
I commit myself to take my process SLOWLY as possible, taking in and absorbing information at my own pace until I get there.
For me the big part is speaking on the phone to others
Why, because I ‘feel’ like I am responsibile, that it’s UP TO ME to fix shit, and I am new, so I am still ‘expected’ to know this shit, but I won’t because I am new, because it undoubtedly takes time, for different people etc. I know I’m kind etc etc. Attitude is fine (well for the most part lol). So it’s the actual info that they need/answers that I am providing as job description that I fear because well, simply I will need time to learn/stop, make the person wait so I can find the answer, but there is NOTHING else I can do.
You know, so all I can do is my best. If I need to put them on hold/ask them to wait, then so be it. If they hang up because they’re for example sick of waiting, then so be it. If I get feedback that says whatever whatever, then so be it. Simply, as long as I do my best, which I always do, then nothing happens, because I’ve committed myself to doing this, putting my best foot forward, going forwards, making strides, absorbing info, that is all that can be asked of me, so whatever outflow of that is simply what is in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider negative outflows of myself and what I do.